Show Notes

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Podcast Transcript

Sarai
I'm Sarai.

Haley
And I'm Haley.

Sarai
And this is Seamwork Radio.

Sarai
Welcome back to Seamwork Radio, where we share practical ideas for building a creative process so you can sew with intention and joy.

And today we're talking about how to overcome your fears around sewing. Just in time for Halloween. We're going to cover the two types of fears you might have about sewing, how to decide which one you're facing, and a three step process for overcoming any sewing fear.

All right, so in honor of Halloween, which is pretty soon after this episode comes out, what's your favorite horror movie of all time, Haley?

Haley
This is a tough question to answer because I actually really like horror movies. I think, after much thought, I think that I'm going to have to give that honor to Evil Dead, specifically Evil Dead Two. I do like horror, but I also love camp and cheesy. And I think that Evil Dead's very playful and fun. So I would give it to that.

Honorable mention to The Shining. But I feel like that's like is it Thriller? Is it horror? What are we doing?

Sarai
I think it's horror because well, it's Stephen King. There's definitely a ghostly element to it. I would consider it horror.

Haley
Yeah, regardless of where it stands. I'm a big fan, but I have such an appreciation for horror movies. I think that people like to talk trash about scary movies. I'm a huge fan. When I was in college, I took multiple horror film based classes. I took a class about the theology of horror film. It was very interesting. And I also took a zombie film class that was centered around revulsion and the way that we deal with our mortality. And it was like, very academic, surprisingly.

Sarai
There's a whole mythology, I think that gets repeated through horror movies. I also love horror movies. And I love Evil Dead. Evil Dead’s great. And The Shining. Both of those are awesome movies. I'm going to be really basic and say The Exorcist. It's just an amazing movie. And it is really scary. To this day, I think it really stands the test of time. Personally, I think there's just so much atmosphere to it. It's a great horror movie and it scares me every time I watch it.

Haley
There's a reason people keep on trying to remake it or do different iterations of it, and it's because it's scary. I remember watching it with my stepsister for the first time and she wouldn't leave the couch after, she didn't want her feet to touch the ground.

Sarai
Oh, another one I just thought of that I think would be high on my list is Rosemary's Baby. I think that is a really deeply creepy movie as all Roman Polanski movies tend to be. Deeply creepy. Definitely.

Haley
That was one of Eric and mine's first date was seeing Rosemary's Baby at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

Sarai
It is so scary and there's so much wrapped up in it. It's a great movie. Well, that was a good icebreaker to get us into our sewing fears for today.

So if you have an icebreaker for us for a future episode, if you're a Seamwork member, you can leave it for us at seamwork.com/go/icebreakers and post it there, and we'll use it in a future episode.

All right, so let's talk about sewing fears.

It can be a problem when there's an intimidating technique that really holds you back from sewing the things that you want to make. And that's what we're going to be talking about today.

How can you reframe these intimidating techniques so that they actually feel exciting? Like the feeling you get when you watch your favorite scary movie, or when you get to the top of a roller coaster, for example, where maybe it's scary, but it's also exciting, and you can just choose to close your eyes or you can embrace the fear. So we're going to be talking about that today, and we're going to give you some tactical ways to break down your biggest sewing fears into really exciting challenges.

So do you have any big, bad sewing fears, Haley?

Haley
I don't know if I have any big, bad sewing fears anymore. I mean, I guess the thing that haunts me is that I just can't make it all. I don't know if that's a fear. It’s a FOMO situation. But I also accept that I can't make everything I dream up, and that's why I'm a designer, because I get to live vicariously through everybody else that makes the patterns that I design.

Yeah, I would say that's probably my sewing FOMO is my number one. What about you?

Sarai
Well, oh, man. FOMO is definitely a big problem in my life with sewing and with everything else, definitely a more more and more kind of person. I have to rein that in. I think one of my big fears around sewing would be sewing clothes for other people. That's something that I always find really intimidating, because it's so hard to know exactly what other people want, how to make it work for them. There's a lot of feelings wrapped up in it sometimes, and that's something that—I’m not talking about little gifts and things like that, but if somebody wants you to make them clothing, actual clothing, then I always feel like there's a lot at stake and there's a lot writing on it. And what if they don't like it? Or what if they feel like they have to pretend to like it, or it doesn't fit them quite right, or they're just not happy?

There's a lot of things that you don't have to worry about so much when you're making clothing for yourself. So I feel like that's my big thing.

Haley
That's a really good one. I'm not afraid of that. But I still hate sewing for other people. What do you think are some of the most common sewing fears that you hear from other sewists?

Sarai
I think the most common ones, I would say, are one around fitting. Fitting is probably the biggest thing for the most people, for the highest number of people that I hear. And then I hear about specific techniques that are usually pretty small things like buttonholes or zippers or something like that, that people get really hung up on, or they just feel like their machine can't do them right or they'll never get them right. Those are pretty easy to overcome, but I think people tend to get hung up on them.

Haley
Yeah. Closures in general seem to be like a really big sewing fear. And I agree about fitting as well. I think that's one that haunts all levels of sewer. I would say to add to that fabric would be another big one that I hear a lot in just not knowing or feeling like you make the wrong fabric choices and that stopping you from sewing more. And that's definitely like a skill that's learned that you have to make some mistakes before you have some victories sometimes, but that's a tough one too.

How do you find that your sewing fears have changed throughout your sewing journey?

Sarai
Well, I just feel like I've always been pretty fearless when it comes to sewing. We've talked about this before. I definitely fall more on the ambitious side than the fearful side when it comes to sewing or really most of my hobbies. I do think they've probably changed a little bit in that I definitely feel like I can conquer more now than obviously when I first started. And that just that I have a lot more skills under my belt, so nothing feels really undoable to me anymore.

Whereas in the past, I think I would have attempted things, but I might not have had the expectation that they were going to turn out really well or perfectly, which I think is totally fine. This is a little different from a fear, I think.

So I'd say I've always been pretty fearless when it comes to sewing, but there's just more to back it up now. What about you?

Haley
I would say that when I first started learning to sew, I had this great fear of the unknown. I knew that I didn't know what I didn't know. It felt so vast. It was like an existential sewing fear. I have no other way to describe it.

I thought I was like a fairly adventurous beginner and open to a challenge, but it felt really big and scary. And then as I progressed, it became skill-based things that I got hung up on or found myself avoiding. And over time, as you begin conquering more of those skill-based things, I think now I'm just at a place where experience has shown me that I'll figure it out eventually, and I may not get it right the first time. And that's okay, but I'll figure it out.

I've also, as a person, learned to embrace more of a growth mindset and not view mistakes as a reflection on myself. And so that's helped me to overcome my fears with a lot more grace.

Sarai
I think that's definitely something that resonates with me as well. Just feeling like in the past, I would have felt like, oh, I suck at this, or feeling like my mistakes were somehow a reflection on my overall ability. Whereas now if I have something that fails, then it's more of, well, lesson learned. Here's what went wrong. I can see that this went wrong, and I'm going to take from it and do it better next time. It's partly just maturity, and that's partly, I think, more experience.

Haley
Yeah. And it's something that I've intentionally cultivated that. But also sewing has helped me to practice it. So they kind of, like, benefited each other.

Sarai
I think that's a really interesting point. And one of the I think the great things about a creative hobby, having a creative hobby, are those lessons that it teaches you that you can then apply to other parts of your life too.

Haley
100%. Well, let's jump into this process a little bit.

So step one of this process for conquering your big bad sewing fears is number one, is you got to identify those fears. I think so often in life, in sewing, our fears can scare us so much that we don't want to approach them with our eyes wide open.

You may not even exactly know what it is that's holding you back from leveling up your sewing or tackling something.

So what we have found is that there's these two types of sewing fears. So we have our abstract sewing fears. So these are things like, I'm afraid of making a mistake. I'm afraid of failing. Then we have these more concrete sewing fears like, I'm afraid of sewing with knits or buttonholes. Concrete fears are a little easier for us to address because oftentimes they are very skill-based type of fears.

First you got to identify that fear, and then you need to decide whether or not it's an abstract or a concrete fear. And this is step one.

Sarai
So step two, once you've done that, it's going to be a little bit different depending on whether your fear is abstract or if your fear is more concrete. So I'm going to talk about what to do if your fear is a little bit more abstract. So if it's abstract, the chances are that it's actually rooted in something concrete.

The next step for you is to really figure out what that is. So what you need to do to find that concrete fear is try doing the why exercise. So ask “why?” as many times as you need until you get to that concrete skill that's really holding you back.

I'm going to give you some examples, and I think this will make it clear for you how that would work. So let's say the first example is, I'm afraid my project will look handmade. So you ask yourself, why? Why do I feel that way? And the answer is, I don't know how to make it look professional. And then you ask yourself, why again? And it's because I don't know the correct finishes to use. So there you have it. There's the concrete skills.

The solution is to learn more about finishes. And if you can do that, you'll be able to feel like your projects look more professional, and you won't have to worry so much about them feeling like they look handmade.

That's one example. Another example might be, “I'm afraid this pattern is too advanced for me." Okay, why? And maybe the answer is, “I'm unfamiliar with some of the techniques here." Okay, so why? And then the answer is that “I haven't practiced them yet.” And so the solution is to write down the techniques that are new to you and start practicing them. Pretty simple solution once you get down to the actual concrete problem that you're facing and you don't leave it kind of floating in this nebulous abstract space.

Next example is, “I'm afraid my project won't fit me.” Why? So that one was a trick question, because you might think that that's an abstract fear that your project is not going to fit you, but it's actually not. So fitting is actually a concrete skill, and you just have to find the right adjustments for your body and practice them.

That's a good example of one that might at first appeal to be an abstract fear, but is actually something that you can learn. It's a concrete skill.

So doing this exercise can help you to kind of suss those out and elucidate which ones of these are things that I can actually tackle through concrete means, and which of these need to be broken down into the steps that will help me get at that abstract problem.

Haley
And so next up, what we have is step three, and this is the step that we use to tackle those concrete skills. So whether you started out with a concrete fear in the first place or if your fear was abstract, but you've done the work of reducing that down to something more concrete, these are the steps that we recommend taking to conquer those concrete fears. And you can kind of mix and match these. These are just four different ideas for tackling those more concrete fears. You can do all of them. You can do some of them. Really, the choice is yours. It's just all a matter of how you learn things and the ways in which you build confidence personally.

So tip number one is to Google the heck out of it. Just put a little bit of time aside to watch a few videos, read some articles that show you different approaches so it becomes more visually familiar to you. And you'll also get to pick up some tips and tricks, maybe some handy tools that you might need along the way. Oftentimes you'll hear Sarai and I say that if you can't get it right, if you're struggling with something, it's probably the technique or the tool.

And so doing a little bit of research might help you unearth that technique and that tool that you need to get it right.

Tip number two is to find a low-stakes way to practice the skill. So if you're intimidated by sewing, maybe with lightweight fabrics, go buy a yard and make some little practice pieces that you can work with. So maybe you can sew a couple of seams and finish them in various ways. You can sew a dart. You can sew a curved seam. You can sew hems. You can practice finishing some curved edges with facings or bindings. Just put aside a half day to spend a little bit more time getting familiar in a really low-stakes way.

Tip number three is to pick a project where you can practice for real something that has mostly familiar techniques, but you can focus on that one scary thing. So again, if that one scary thing is your lightweight fabric, you can choose even a pattern that you've made before. You know all of the techniques, all of the steps, but you're going to be practicing it in an unfamiliar fabric.

Or if you're afraid of buttonholes, it's a project where you know all of the other techniques. You just need to focus on those buttonholes.

And then tip number four is to repeat. Repetition is really like the essential ingredient to learning, and it's kind of like exposure therapy. The more often you confront the thing that's giving you the sewing heebie-jeebies, the less it's going to have power over you.

Sarai
That's so true. And I think there's also that muscle memory component of it as well, that the more you do it, the more it gets ingrained in your body too, which I think is something people sometimes overlook.

Haley
Yeah, I think it comes back too. Like, in addition to all those things, what we were talking about earlier in this episode is that throughout our sewing journeys, we learned from experience that all fears, all obstacles in our sewing, you’re able to overcome all of them. So when a new fear comes up in the future, then you know from experience that you've figured it out before you'll figure it out again. Even if it's a totally different issue that you're facing.

Sarai
And even if it takes a long time, even if it's not something that's going to come to you instantly, I think that's another way that creative hobbies help you is that they teach you that kind of patience.

Haley
Yes, 100%.

Sarai
All right, so those were the steps that we recommend. If you're facing some pretty serious sewing fears and they're holding you back in some way. I think we all have those from time to time, so I'm just going to recap those for you.

So step one is to identify your fear and find out exactly what's holding you back, and then decide, is this a concrete fear or is this an abstract fear? And if it's an abstract fear, you want to get at that concrete fear next.

Step two is to ask those “why?” questions as many times as you need until you get to what's the actual concrete fear that you have that's underpinning this more abstract fear.

And then step three is to take that concrete fear, that skill that you need to have, and use a few simple things to help you overcome it. So use Google, watch some tutorials, practice the skill in a really low-stakes way. Pick a project where you can practice it, and do this over and over. Repeat as much as you need to until you feel like this skill is no longer holding you back.

And this is a process that works great for sewing. It works in other areas of your life, other skills that you want to develop. Some people feel this way about cooking, for example, or some people might feel this way about gardening or woodworking. It could be anything that you feel like you would love to tackle, but for some reason, you have some kind of fear around it that holds you back. This process can help you with that.

So those are the steps. What's your big takeaway from today's episode, Haley?

Haley
I think that my big takeaway is really, like, the realization of the resiliency that sewing has allowed me to build in my life and how that impacts a lot of other areas of my life pretty strongly. I'm very thankful for that.

Sarai
I agree with that. I think another thing for me is that sewing has really brought me a lot more patience. Not just sewing, but I think a lot of my creative hobbies have taught me a lot more patience. And that even if something doesn't come to me right away and I'm not good at it right away, that doesn't mean that I'm a failure at it or that I'm never going to be able to get it. It just means that it's going to take some time, and it's going to take some work, and it's going to take some patience.

And I think having gone through that and learned a lot of things over the years in various areas, I've slowly developed that realization, and that can be applied to other areas of my life, too. So I think that's a real gift and a real boon for people that have creative hobbies like this.

All right, so if you want a safe and encouraging space to talk about your sewing fears, you can let it all out in our community. We have some of the nicest and most helpful sewers that you can imagine in the Seamwork community.

And our team, along with thousands of Seamworkers, are here to talk to you and cheer you on. And you can ask any question about sewing with absolutely no judgment. And you'll always get some amazing answers.

You can also share your finished projects, and you can create goals. And we'll even email you reminders to keep you on track with those goals. It's the perfect place to go if you need a quick boost of creative energy. And you can join that community by joining Seamwork.

And if you like this episode, you can leave us a review. We would love to hear your five star review. And if you want, you can leave a question in your five star review and we'll answer it on a future episode. We're still taking questions that we'll answer on future episodes, so if you have something for us, just let us know in one of those reviews. It's also a really great way to let other people know about the podcast, and we super appreciate every single review we get. We read them all. And we really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to leave us a review and let us know that you are enjoying the podcast.

It keeps us going for sure. And that's it for us this week. Happy Halloween, everyone. I'm Sari.

Haley
And I'm Haley.

Sarai
And this is Seamwork Radio.